Thursday, April 21, 2016

My words. / Muse - Madness - Lyrics

I'm just going to write. 
My motivation is strong and my inspirations are high. My life has been 'easier' than most and I am happy I can recognize that and accept my blessings instead of focussing on what I do not have. I am truly grateful. I have chosen to just live my life DAY by DAY.

 Today, Prince died. One dies, and then more angels are born. Bye Prince, bye bye Bowie. #myLEGENDS

Yesterday was like summer. It was hot and crazy busy. It was also 420. Those who don't know it's our 'MARIJUANA DAY', so the 'cray' were out. Vancouver is always so ghetto stupid when the "BURBS" come into town for our silly events. They come from EAST and they break the rules. Break trees, knock down trash cans and signs and messy up our "Vancity". 
There is something fabulous about having so many people in downtown Vancouver on a beautiful day. It somehow makes me feel proud to be a Vancouverite. I dunno..?  At the same time, why do people have to be so obnoxious? Do they not know? Hasn't anyone told them? It amazes me, in life and online. I know I'm not 'perfect' but I am trying, and KNOW when I am inappropriate. I do. ;0

I have a shit load of images from the many events I attended in the past 2 months that I haven't really invested some time for editing and blogging. I leak out a few at time when I have the time. Honestly, when I have a moment, I have been known to use that moment to do absolutely anything I want to do. If it's sitting on my butt watching all my DVR'd shows and movies, than that is what it! As I get older, I feel like I am slowing down on the silly factor and focussing on being a little more responsible and just a bit quieter. Silence speaks volumes! #FOCUS

I am working with a great friend, on a fun photo project. Thanks to Rene Menendes for helping me discover a new true I know, I am a photographer, but I noticed that knowing so many talented photographers makes me wonder about my own work. It wasn't fun for a long time. I am self taught with creative and instructional guidance and some courses here and there. I have soon noticed that I do not like the 'traditional' or the "proper" photography techniques. I just go with what I feel at that moment or what is given to me. It can be 'over-edited', blurry or too bold. The "white balance' has tumbled in my world in most cases. I really don't care about that. Just me.
 I do not avoid the photo pit because I am "photo snob", it's because everyone always has the same images. BORING. Why would anyone want that? So that whole "media' thing only means free entrance, unless you know friends in the right places. I understand that paying guest should have priority, but we see some silly nothingness in the front row, who are "MEDIA". They just are wearing something crazier than we are, so they win.
Fashion is so 'high school' silly. We all know it, but we still love it. I have created my own tools to remain sane in this world. #ILIVEFORFASHION. Just because I'm not wearing a number of prints or larger than life jewelry, or a man dressed like a girly girl. Doesn't mean fashion is not in my blood. I have been looking through fashion magazines as long as I can remember, remembering. I stick to my t-shirts and jeans, but the CHANEL in me remains.

I kind of want to talk about something that I can never talk about with my friends as some of them think I am silly and ridiculous. A "drama queen", if you will. They do not like to listen to my relationship issues. I get it, but who do I talk to then? It's not a good feeling. TRY TO FIND A COUNSELLOR in this 'crazy' world. Forget about it. NO HELP. I tried. White flag is up. 
I don't think some of my friends really understand how much I really know, and truly understand about relationships. I am traditional. I go into a relationship in hopes for forever. Is that so wrong? My longest relationship was almost 11 years! This is why I am so careful. I am so scared of feeling that kind of pain, so I protect myself...may be too much.  That is why I am still single. I'm too aware! I can't trust men. It could be because of my up- bringing and my experiences as a gay man, a man and son. I am gay and I am not enjoying it. I don't fit in the stereotypical gay man personas. Sounds like it was choice, but unfortunately it's not.
So single it is. I just have to remember I can do whatever I want whenever I want. Honestly it's the affection I miss the most. Hugging and kisses. That's all I need, for now. ;) Do I have be online to get a date? Do have to "clubbing", sign up on GRINDER? Is that how it is? 

Anyway, there are my words for now.

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